The events of May 1st 2011, namely the death of Osama Bin Laden, have proven conclusively that the Brown Bandit is not the above named terrorist despite heavy suspicion among employees. Our last incident, laying to rest hopeful rumor that the perpetrator was apprehended, was only last week. Obviously not enough time for the late Mr. Bin Laden to poop and scoot all the way back to Pakistan.
Some may take comfort in the fact that our filthy criminal is not Osama. What they obviously do not realize is that in one way this may bolster the self opinion of our fecal maniac in that he has now avoided capture longer than the infamous Bin Laden. Will the incidents of shit related crime escalate? It is probable. Another possibility is that Bin Laden was the leader of a band of radical stool mongers, the pimp of a posse of pooers of ill repute. Will the surviving factions wreak (or reek if you'd rather) vengeance on us with renewed vigor? Or possibly fling poop at each other like monkeys? It remains to be seen...
