Saturday, December 10, 2011

Shit Demon

This second attack took place on 12/10/11. This fecal assault was defiantly the work of the Bandit. It seems the Bandit went into some sort of hibernation over the summer. Maybe the Bandit is indeed a homeless person who spends summer days outside and heads indoors once the weather starts to turn. Either way, I have mixed emotions about our culprit. On one hand, it makes for great entertainment and gives me a reason to keep a blog. On the other, our poor custodial staff is left with the horrendous duty of cleaning the mess up. I can only hope that when the Bandit is caught, I am there to take pictures and plaster his face all over the web. 
This is by far the healthiest looking BM the Bandit has deposited in a while. Looks like he has been eating some fiber, and a lot of it.

It is hard to tell from this picture, but there is urine all over the floor. Typically the Bandit has only left meadow muffins behind, but today he pissed all over the place. As you can see there is also urine in the urinal, which is also unusual.

If the Brown Bandit ever makes national news I will sell them this picture.

Mr. Hanky? Is that you?

After a six month absence the infamous Brown Bandit has struck again! The culprit made a possible reappearance in the first week of December. However, this attack is questionable; this looks more like a case of explosive diarrhea than the work of the Brown Bandit.  Although the toilet paper scattered around the toilet is a classic Brown Bandit signature.  

Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Poopin

The events of  May 1st 2011, namely the death of Osama Bin Laden, have proven conclusively that the Brown Bandit is not the above named terrorist despite heavy suspicion among employees. Our last incident, laying to rest hopeful rumor that the perpetrator was apprehended, was only last week. Obviously not enough time for the late Mr. Bin Laden to poop and scoot all the way back to Pakistan.

Some may take comfort in the fact that our filthy criminal is not Osama. What they obviously do not realize is that in one way this may bolster the self opinion of our fecal maniac in that he has now avoided capture longer than the infamous Bin Laden. Will the incidents of shit related crime escalate? It is probable. Another possibility is that Bin Laden was the leader of a band of radical stool mongers, the pimp of a posse of pooers of ill repute. Will the surviving factions wreak (or reek if you'd rather) vengeance on us with renewed vigor? Or possibly fling poop at each other like monkeys? It remains to be seen...

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Midnight Soiler Has Returned

It has been four weeks since we have been blessed with a visit from the Brown Bandit. Many of us were starting to wonder if he had finally been caught, or perhaps decided to leave our bathrooms alone. Many rumor have surfaced surrounding the disappearance. We have heard from one source that two homeless men are responsible for the atrocious behavior. Others say it could be an employee who knows the area. Certain staff members were talked to about the issue right before the four week dry spell. Regardless, much to our surprise the Bandit has struck again! This might be one of the most extreme cases of fecal vandalism I have ever seen.  
In this image you can see a possible footprint

True to the Bandits nature, toilet paper is tossed around the bathroom. As usual, the actual stool pile is behind the door.

This attack only furthers my suspicion that the Bandit is packing in his poo. This is an unbelievable about of shit to come from one sitting. Plus, I cannot imagine the splatter coming from someone in a squatting position. In conclusion, just as we thought the case of the Brown Bandit was going cold he raises from the dead with vengeance!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Beef Stew

What follows is a mostly true account of Friday March 5th, 2011:

Due to my strict adherence to company policy I was not carrying my cell phone on the day I now call “Brown Friday”. This verbal description will have to suffice.
     Surely Leonardo Da Vinci painted some duds before unleashing the Last Supper on the world. Dear reader, the above photographs are the duds of our mysterious “Brown Bandit.” There are only a few unfortunate souls to have witnessed the Last Supper that the above named bandit unleashed upon the world. 
     In the course of my work day my life changed. At that point I was still a virgin to the world of fecal sabotage. I did not know that I was about to be deflowered in the harshest manner possible. I rounded the corner and a man was setting up a barrier. Being cursed by curiosity, I approached and while exchanging meaningless greetings with this unfortunate custodian I looked over his shoulder and into the single occupant women’s bathroom. (In no way does this imply that our bandit is of the female persuasion. Like I mentioned, this was a lockable bathroom…)
The toilet was overflowing. The hallway was flooded all the way out to the elevators. A flooding toilet isn’t so bad, but when I saw the chunky wet liquid pouring over the lip of the pot I immediately thought of a child throwing up beef stew. There were gagging men attempting to contain the mess. One had the unfortunate job of wading into the restroom, reaching behind the toilet, and shutting off the water valve. The tell-tale signs of our bandit were all there: Strewn toilet paper, streaks of brown sludge on the yellowing tiles, and things of that nature. Worst though were the little boats made of shit sailing in the water flowing from the bathroom.
One man was crossing himself and uttering prayers to Saint Juan Diego, another was weeping and taking the gulping breaths of one who is trying to breathe without using his nose, and the man to which I spoke was trying to show me wallet sized pictures of his family.
I tried to break away—my stomach was doing back flips—but before he let me go the man put a scrap of paper into my hand. His wife’s phone number. “Just in case. Tell her I love her, amigo.” He said before pulling on elbow-length rubber gloves.
This so called “Brown Bandit” must be caught in the act, and if you’ll pardon the pun, with his pants down. Soon after the Last Supper Da Vinci painted his masterpiece, the Mona Lisa. I pray that this shit mongering, fecal terrorist can be stopped before he unveils his Mona Lisa.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


The Brown Bandit has hit again! This dropping is clearly deliberate, it was located behind the bathroom door so you would have to walk inside and close the door before noticing it. This pie must have been left sometime after hours because when it was discovered by us in the early morning, it looked as though it had been sitting there for at least a few hour- there was significant crusting around the surface of the poo.  

One theory we have been flirting with is the idea that the Bandit is pooping in a container and the placing it on the floor. How else could you produce such a perfect circular pie!? The latest attack differs from the usual modus operandi.  Bandit is known for leaving a show, fecal matter EVERYWHERE! But this was just a small perfect pile. It is only a matter of time before he strikes again…

The crusting in visable in this picture.

Friday, February 25, 2011


At times the work of the Brown Bandit is hard to determine. Accident do happen and distinguishing the differences can be difficult. Look at the following examples:
This is clearly the work of the Brown Bandit. As you can see there is fecal matter spread over a large area surrounding the toilet. There is also wads of soiled toilet paper and paper towel scattered around the room. This is clearly intentional and actually seems to one of the BB better days as far as solidity of the BMs are concerned. 

This image is more complicated and could possibly be an accident. As you can see there is shit in the toilet, but it also surround the outside and is partially on the lip. I could see someone suffering from explosive diarrhea just not making it in time and spilling on the floor. The raised toilet seat makes this seem intentional, but because these are unisex bathrooms it is entirely possible that a women ran into the bathroom and dropped her pants before realizing the toilet seat was up. We will never know if this was an accident or not, we can only speculate.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Who is the Brown Bandit?

For over a year my co-workers and I have been tracking a deviant we have dubbed, "The Brown Bandit." It all started when we would occasionally come across a bathroom cloaked in fecal matter. Some of us found this particularly hilarious and started documenting the sightings with our camera phones.

I work in a large office building with quite a few single unisex bathrooms. Unfortunately the BB limits his/her defecation to these bathrooms, making it impossible to tell whether it is a her or she - although we speculate it is a male.

The Brown Bandit does not limit himself to the bathrooms. His distinctive mark has been found in parking structures around the building and even smeared down the handrail in a stairwell. As funny as it may seem to us, the housekeeping staff is stuck with the crappy duty of cleaning the mess up. It is because of this, that the hunt for The Brown Bandit must go on!

 Judging by the distance from the toilet, this is most likely a mark of the Bandit.